I see myself walking on a long dirt road looking back at where I've been. There is a fork in the road. Which way do I go? I'm taking the road of the unknown, the road to inner peace. How do I know? I know because I feel it. I feel it resonate deep within my heart that it's my time to take that other road and be all that I know I can be. I'm already there, I just don't know it............................. yet.
Wow, what a journey 2011 turned out to be. I feel good, yet a little sad that this time has come. Although I've looked forward to this, it is definitely bittersweet! Had my last grief counseling appointment today. Colleen and I both agreed that it's time to spread my wings. Of course, I cried, not sad tears, but tears of gratitude for all San Diego Hospice has been and done for us. They held our hands throughout our journey with Ken and cancer. They all must have something special inside to be able to be present for families in times of inevitable death. I wish everyone could experience the unconditional love and comfort they provided for us, during and after Kenny's passing.
My life was forever changed in an instant last year. Forced to face my greatest fear, Ken allowed me to be a part of his transition into the spirit world. It was the toughest experience in my life thus far. There were moments of anger, sadness, gratitude, fear and helplessness. There are things that I wished I knew then, that I know now. Moments that I would've handled different. However, it all unfolded perfectly and I accept that. I understand that every person we encounter is there for a reason, sometimes unknown to us at the time and that we must treat everyone with love. I understand that we are a mirror for one another and that if we have self love, everything will fall into place. They say that being present for someone when they transition is one of the greatest gifts you can give to another. I can't help but think Kenny's gifts to me were so much more, because he forced me to face my fears. What a gift of immense selflessness!
As I begin this next chapter with renewed perspective, my heart is filled with gratitude for all the heartbreak, grief, knowledge, and finding and feeling the true meaning of love. Time for a ........................Cool Change!
January 13, 2012
Heather Byrne
